An Undelivered Letter

Dear Mom,

Although I know this “letter” will never ever deliver to you anyway, where I also know you might not really be the person who I want to pass these messages, but yea, maybe I just wanted to remind myself about something…everything.

Mom, do you still remember how I played computer games when next week will be my final exam? The excuses I gave you when I came back so often before the school bell ringed? The result I get when I told you I wanted to study EEE in Singapore? The emotion I gave you when you first told me there was an offer to go oversea but not in the country I wanted? And eventually I did nothing to prove I’m right to have it. Yes, I remembered all of it.

You’re right, Mom. I really used to be a person who can’t differentiate what’s important. I didn’t consider the outcome before the action taken, and that’ll be just what I wanted to do, other than what I wanted to achieve.

Every night I was thinking how you gonna feel when you found out all your efforts on this son are wasted, the way you get me tuition teacher even your salary isn’t much to afford, the way you rushed to the market with just a motorbike for something I need at 10pm, the way you trying to scold me even you know I’m not going to listen, the way you sacrifice for us even your life isn’t just worth that…I’m sorry mom. Although sometimes I tried hard but at end failed to keep the torques running. My passion is beyond to keep everything alive. Again is because I will only do what I wanted to do.

Other than getting some satisfaction, my dissatisfaction is growing much more than I ever requested. The mean time I was questioning myself about what’s fair, what’s deserved. It’s quite disappointing to say but being a son, I was failed, being a hope, it’s despaired.

Maybe some things just wouldn’t change, some facts just can’t erase, and some faith will never misplace. Mom, I can’t promise the ending will be what you wished, but I promise, it’ll be very very much better than the worst than you aren’t hope to be. For the reason why I declared today, perhaps I’m started to believe in good, maybe I wish there is still hope out there to can define me in some other way. A change.

When the day came, I wish you still able stood by my side and tell me “See, I told you so.”